The magic of Christmas? Top Tips for navigating the Christmas period as a separated parent

Arrangements for the festive period will shortly be in full swing or you may (like me) already have your Christmas decorations up! There can often be a lot of pressure around the Christmas period and it can be even more difficult for separated parents and the children of those families. Not only do they face the usual stresses of buying gifts, putting up the decorations and organising the Christmas lunch etc, they also have to think about the arrangements for the children. This can sometimes cause tension and friction between parents and also the wider families. This can often take away the magic of Christmas and turn it into a very stressful time…It can be a difficult balance trying to fit everything and also juggle other commitments. Navigating the festive period without arguments can often be seen as a dauting and stressful task. However, to try to assist separated parents, I share my top tips below:

1.    Communicate!

Honest and open communication is key. There will also need to be a level of compromise. This works both ways. Unfortunately, there is only one Christmas Day each year. The children will not be able to spend time with both of you, unless you have decided to spend Christmas together. There are lots of ways of dealing with the Christmas arrangements and these can be alternated each year so the children have the benefit of spending time with both parents on the special days. Whilst communication can sometimes be difficult, it is essential if the arrangements for children are to go smoothly.

2.    Plan ahead

It is vital to plan ahead. No one wants a last-minute rush regarding the arrangements. It is important that the children and both parents are clear about what the arrangements are going to be. If disagreements do happen, it means that you will have plenty of time to try and resolve these before the holiday period.

3.  Think about the special days

One of the common issues I see is disagreements about the arrangements for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year.  It is important to think about the arrangements for these days specifically as well as looking at the holiday period generally. Lots of families often alternate the arrangements each year so they get the best of both worlds. If the children are with one parent on Christmas day, they will often spend Boxing Day with the other parent so they can have another mini Christmas. There is no one size fits all approach and what works for you will be individual to your family.

4.   Be flexible

Unexpected things may crop up. We cannot plan for every eventuality (if only we could!) It is important to be flexible and accommodating as you never know when you may need the same in return! If you can be flexible, it should help your co-parenting relationship.

5.   Focus on the children

Most importantly, make sure your focus is the children. The most important thing is your children and their wellbeing should come before how you may feel about the other parent. It is important that the children spend quality time with both parents and can enjoy the festivities without anxiety or worry. Consider the children’s needs when making plans keeping in mind their commitments, desires and preferences. You should always put what is in your children’s best interests first.

What about if there is an existing Child Arrangements Order in place?

It is important to remember that parents should consider any existing orders when discussing holiday arrangements to ensure this is complied with. There can be serious consequences for breaching an order. If the arrangements need to be changed, this must be agreed by the parents. It is advisable to record in writing any changes.

What if we cannot agree?

It is hoped that parents will be able to agree the arrangements between themselves for the Christmas period. However, if you are having trouble, there are a variety of options available. These include mediation, asking a solicitor to help you negotiate with the other parent or as a last resort, an application to the court can be made. Court proceedings can be lengthy and expensive and it may be many months before a hearing is listed meaning the period has past. Therefore, out of court resolution is often preferrable.

If you would like to discuss any difficulties you are having with the other parent regarding agreeing the Christmas arrangements, please do get in touch by calling 01603 679050 or emailing info@bblfamilylaw.com.

 *The information provided in this article is designed to provide useful information on the subject, not to provide specific legal advice

 

 

Written by Emerald Priscott